Remembering Bob Wilber

I first met Bob in the late 1990s at Brooklyn meeting. His baritone boomed and filled the meeting room whether it was a message or a song. Only later did I learn he was a trained opera singer. His was a voice I never struggled to hear and always listened for. 

Many years later when I was thinking of joining Brooklyn meeting he said not to fret about the letter. “You could write a page, or a sentence.” Though he remained a proud member of Ohio’s Stillwater Meeting, there was a confidence and reassurance in what he said and how he said it. 

Years later, we came to work together at the New York Quarterly Meeting where he served for over 30 years as cemetery sexton. Our first meeting was a late afternoon call on a Friday. His voice had just as much gravitas over the phone whether he elaborated on the bamboo gone amok or tended to bereaved Friends who needed to inter their loved ones.. He deadpanned, “Ted, I have 500 people under me and I know where the bodies are buried.” And then we both had a good laugh.

Bob cared deeply for the cemetery but even more so for anyone who passed through the gates. He greeted us warmly, would talk about the different areas, who was where, what needed mending, or about how Quakers held their differences but united together in silent worship, listening for the spirit to move among us. 

When he showed me around the cemetery he imagined ways for visitors to experience it—like posting Quaker messages along paths at different points to invite contemplation and calm. 

In another offhand call Bob mentioned he had heart surgery. “Don’t worry! My doctor says I’m doing great.”

He called me on a Saturday evening last June. A friend was stranded at JFK. Did I know of any Friends who might be able to  house them? We brainstormed some ideas. That was the last time we spoke. 

I will always remember how he welcomed people and found places for them. 

Bob Wilber served as the NYQM Sexton from the early 1990s to 2025. 

— Ted Bongiovanni, Executive Director, New York Quarterly Meeting 

PS - Bob's home meeting, Ohio Yearly Meeting, sent an epistle with a message of condolence in 2025.